Greetings. Well, it’s nearing the end of January once again. Your holiday kindness is becoming a New Year’s pain as you try to remember why Aunt Mildred deserved that $60 cheese basket, and you struggle to remember just what you spent all of your relatives thoughtfully-purchased gift certificates on. But before another bill goes past due, another thank-you note says “Thanks for your gift, I spent it on beer,” and before another resolution can be broken, Valentines Day will be upon us.

That’s right, that blackest of black days, that mass marketing evil that demands you prove your love with marked-up boxes of candy and republished cards, is right around the corner. As you can no doubt tell, I’m not the largest fan of Valentines Day. Maybe it’s the trash I inevitability get that ends up being thrown away a month later (ahem, I talking about the gifts here), or maybe it’s the fact that more often than not I’m simply an observer in this whole affair. Whatever the reason, I, like many of us out there, somehow lost the joy which the innocent exchange of punch out Mighty Mouse valentines elicited in grade school. Come to think of it, however, my carefully decorated shoe box never was overflowing with tokens of love from my classmates. But let’s not let despair claim us. There must be ways out of this pseudo-holiday. After all we are Sapient, and if we can put together multi-million dollar web sites, we can certainly ease the burden of Valentines Day.

Plan one: if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship, schedule your project live date on February 15th. There are several advantages to this plan. First, you incur absolutely no blame, after all we can’t control the market pressures which necessitate this date, and, even if we could, the ultimate decision is driven by client needs. Second, a romantic dinner is out due to the last minute crunch to finish, and since the final preparation actually begins weeks or months ahead of time, it is perfectly understandable that there was no time to find that perfect gift. Now, you may be thinking that this plan only applies to PM’s or Directors who craft the project plans. However, it is remarkable how much effect a sudden P1 TAR or a critical scope change can have. DBA’s, “DROP” is your friend, and for the engineers, think how much fun you can have with Source Safe. Just remember you are helping your entire project team with your actions, and they will remember you for it.

Plan two: travel. This one works in different ways for the attached and unattached. If you do have someone you are limited to a phone call, which of course must be short due to long distance fees, not to mention the premium charged by the hotel, and if you can manage to be on a plane for the majority of the day, so much the better. (Does anyone really use those Skylink phones?). Now the gifts require some thought, but creative use of shipping companies can generate a tracking nightmare that guarantees your claim of “but I sent it” can not be refuted. Now for the unattached travel is a psychological balm. You are going somewhere new, who knows, you dream valentine may be waiting for you on arrival. Just be sure you don’t arrive too early or you face the risk of finding out they aren’t.

I’m sure there are many more solutions out there, however the bartender is coming for last call and my to-do list isn’t getting any shorter. So for this month I’m out of here. But remember, you’re not alone in your dread of Valentines Day. So throw a party, wear black (although if you live in Manhattan you probably are anyway) and remember it’s a whole year until the next Valentines Day.

Matt Cribbs is sure there are people out there who actually enjoy this holiday, but has yet to meet one of them. - Ed.